Fulfilling Expectations

During a conversation with a client, I learned that his soon to be college freshman son was expected to register for only 12 hours instead of the standard 15. The universitys position was that 12 hours was the expected workload because 12 hours was very difficult even for the brightest young person. As the father was also was a former college student who experienced 15 to 18 hour semesters, he asked me what I thought? My reply would be to ask the following question to the university: If you expect my son to earn a 4 year degree in 4 years or approximately 120 hours, how can he do achieve this goal when he is only registering for 24 hours per year?

On the way back to my office, I was reminded of the self-fulfilling prophecy that Robert Merton identified in his 1957 work Social Theory and Social Structure. Merton defined this concept as when a false definition of the situation evokes a new behavior which makes the original false conception come true. In simpler terms, when an expectation is set regardless whether it is factual or not factual, we as human beings will take actions consistent with that expectation.

For my client, if he didnt challenge the expectation of the university, his son would be taking 6 years to complete a 4-year degree. Also, his son would then believe that a 40-hour workweek would be very difficult and then would take actions to support that belief.

My thoughts then turned to a scene in G. Bernard Shaws play Pygmalion when the very wise Eliza Doolittle was explaining the self-fulfilling prophecy to the Pickering, the Professors friend the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how shes treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treated me as a flower girl, and always will, but I know I can be a lady to you because you always treat me as a lady, and always will.

How often do the expectations of others and even ourselves set the stage for predicting our own future failures or future successes? Expectations are simply our thoughts. Through time, these self-fulfilling thoughts turn into belief systems that are reflected in our attitudes or what some have called into habits of thought. Each day these attitudes can provide the momentum for us to reach higher and farther or can be 500 pound weights that drag us down into deep holes where darkness is every present.

Again, the answer is one of choice. You can choose to expect more of yourself and others and you can choose not to. For me, there is only one choice. What is your choice?

Leanne helps individuals and businesses to double their results or performance in real time. Please feel free to contact Leanne at 219.759.5601. If you truly don't believe doubling your results is possible, read some case studies where individuals and businesses took the risk and experienced unheard of results.

Oprah Winfrey

Avoiding Pity City

"Oh, the holiness of always being the injured party. The historically oppressed can find not only sanctity but safety in the state of victimization. When access to a 5B4better life has been denied often enough, and successfully enough, one can use the rejection as an excuse to cease all efforts." Maya Angelou, American author, Singin' and Swingin' and Gettin' Merry Like Christmas

A thirty-eight year old man was at his parent's home for Sunday dinner. He mournfully turned the discussion to his many problems, "I've just left my third failed marriage, I can't hold onto a job, I'm in debt up to my ears and will have to declare personal bankruptcy," he whimpered. "Where did you go wrong?"

Blaming others for our difficulties is the easy way out. That's why it's so popular. A job applicant put this statement on his resume, "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers." In How to Save Your Own Life, author Erica Jong writes, "No one to blame!... That was why most people led lives they hated, with people they hated... How wonderful to have someone to blame! How wonderful to live with one's nemesis! You may be miserable, but you feel forever in the right. You may be fragmented, but you feel absolved of all the blame for it. Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." Rolling Stone journalist, P. J. O'Rourke, adds, "One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his pic5B4ture turns up on your driver's license."

Turn on any daytime talk show and you'll find endless examples of people blaming everybody and everything for the way their lives have turned out. A little channel surfing could lead to the conclusion that we're living on the Planet of the Aches. As long as these sad souls are playing the blame game and embracing their victim role, they are stuck in that rut. It can too easily become a rut that's really a grave with the ends knocked out. Regular viewers of these misery-series soon end up feeling as helpless and hopeless as the continual parade of victims.

As key players in the whine industry, these shows reflect and help to spread the deadliest disease in society today the Victimitis Virus. The Victimitis Virus is the poor-little-me-syndrome. It's a state of hopelessness and powerlessness to do anything about my problems. It's running from personal responsibilities with excuses like "it's not my job," "I was just following orders," "I am too old to change," or "the dog ate my homework" (that's also the title of a great book on personal responsibility by Vincent Barry). It's the most contagious and destructive infection ever seen on this earth. The Victimitis Virus is usually found along with the Pessimism Plague. Both kill, mutilate, and destroy millions of lives every year. They are also the only lethal diseases that can be transmitted with no physical contact at all. The5B4y are often spread through one-on-one, group, or mass communications.

Symptoms of the Victimitis Virus include bouts of doubt and discouragement diarrhea, constant vomiting of cynicism and snide remarks, pains in the neck (or lower regions) from suspicion and distrust, hopelessness headaches, waves of nausea from pessimism and put downs, and frequent cramps from its-beyond-my-(or our) control language. This "victim-speak" often includes statements like "he/she makes me so mad I can't control myself," "that's just the way I am," "there's nothing we can do," "they won't allow that," "I have to," "I am no good at," "the system won't let us," and so on. We can all add to the list from our personal favorites.

It's very easy for entire groups to become infected with the Victimitis Virus and the Pessimism Plague. Many meetings or family gatherings then turn into "primal scream therapy" or "blame storming" sessions around why a deadline was missed, results are down, or a family member behaved so poorly. The entire group can end up moving into Pity City throwing many Pity Parties with whiny Pity Puppies scampering about barking blame in all directions.

Growing the Distance excerpt bio lines:

Excerpted from Jim's international best-seller, Growing the Distance: Timeless Principles for Personal, Career, and Family Suc3EDcess. Jim Clemmer is a bestselling author and internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, workshop/retreat leader, and management team developer on practical leadership. His extensive and resource rich web site (with over 300 free articles) is http://www.clemmer.net/articles

Joan Borysenko

Building Your Coaching Business - HIGHLY Successful Networking -- The Right Way and Wrong Way

Networking - Right way and wrong way

I've discovered some things about networking. Although it CAN be VERY successful if done right, most of the time it is done wrong and the results are nearly zero, at least not worth the time that it takes.

So, here are some hints that can take your networking through the roof. Actually, a "professional marketing" person in one of my last "Building Your Coaching Business" classes hadn't been able to make her networking work....up until we changed some things. At that point she went from one so-so interested person per networking event showing interest, and less than one client in 6 months, to 5 people jumping up and down wanting to schedule an appointment from every networking event and more business than she had ever had.

Develop Your Niche Market and Powerful, Compelling Core Marketing Message

It all starts with developing your target niche market and your powerful, compelling core marketing message. Everything starts there, so if you haven't done that yet, then get that article. Email me if you haven't already received the article on how to do that. Because, once you develop that your networking results will go up 5-10 times what they are now.

Now, the other parts are where you network, and how you network.

Where you network - How You Network

Make sure that you network with your ideal niche market, or where others that also touch that market are networking. Networking just to be networking is not going to generate much.

Network where you can make a difference. Networking is all about meeting people that are in your target market, or are in contact with your target market, and where you can make an impact on them, their life, and their business. People buy only from those that know, like, and trust (they also make referrals the same way). Therefore, the people that make the most difference to them are the ones that they will go wild helping with referrals...and that should be your focus.

Chamber networking - I've learned that chambers CAN have some of the same narrow thinking as small business, some of the same thinking that destroys small business. So, finding the right chamber, or networking group is EXTREMELY important. How do you do that?

Find chambers that want to partner with you to make a difference in their members' lives and businesses. A really great way to stand out in a chamber is to partner with the chamber to offer seminars that help people and companies.

Make sure that you are on important committees in the chamber where you can help lead new seminars, or at least work with people on a volunteer basis to help them. Give them a sample and watch them jump into your shopping cart.

Going only to "networking" events without building the relationships and visibility will become an extremely inefficient way of networking. It can work better once you've developed that powerful, compelling core marketing message...but if you start with a strategy to also build relationships through committees and partnering with the chamber you'll find some pretty spectacular results....if you are in the right chamber, or networking group that feels the same way.

Some chambers can have some pretty narrow thinking. Some will limit your reach "because they can't support one member over another." Your job is to either help them overcome this thinking and make a major impact on them and their members, or move on to another chamber where you can make a difference.

Some chambers have told me that: "We tried seminars before, and no one showed up." I've found that most of the time it was a local financial planner, or CPA, or another field, that was giving a very dry SALES pitch...and no one wants to hear that, so....no the seminars didn't work. Whenever I've been given that answer, I usually point out that my seminars are "standing room only" and I'd be more than glad to help them achieve that. In fact, I will set down with my competitors and we'll all build a series of seminars that will FILL the chamber every time. (Don't worry about helping your competitors. You will be the one standing out...I guarantee it. It was your idea and your success. And, if you follow my suggestions, your seminars will be full and the others will still be just OK.) In fact, make sure that your success is seen by the top people in the chamber, and by the members of the chamber. You will become a star for doing this.

(NOTE: check out my articles on marketing seminars. If you are going to make these seminars successful then follow those seminar marketing approaches.)

Of course, there still are chambers that won't go there....in that case move on. You are in the wrong place. Some chambers, even after experiencing the successful seminars will shoot themselves, and you, in the foot. I've seen chambers that, once a coach becomes pretty visible, will say something like, "We've had complaints from other coaches that you are getting too much visibility. We have to let others have the stage." And then they had it back to those that were complaining, and the seminar attendance drops to zero. Pretty soon, the chamber will be saying, "Our seminars don't work, so we aren't going to do them anymore."

Some chamber will say, "We can't back one business over another." I'm not one for backing down. I'll stand on the value I bring to the chamber, to their members, and to the growth of the chamber I've brought to them with additional members and growing businesses, but....some are narrow thinkers...move on when you can't continue to make a difference. Look at it this way, you now have a huge track record and can do this with, or without the chamber...so move on. Your job is to find the best networking opportunity and not just accept what I call THE NORM in networking...reach further.

Business Network International -- Another really great place to network, and probably THE BEST is a BNI (Business Network International) group. The same things apply here. Make sure that your ideal target market is in that group, or someone who is working with your ideal target market. Be very selective about choosing which BNI club you join.

I have had discussions with hundreds of other coaches who have worked in BNI clubs. The discussion usually goes something like this.

Some will tell me BNI didn't work for them. When digging deeper I find that their target market wasn't in that club. Sometimes the club was made up of very small businesses who always perceived they couldn't afford the coach, and they also perceived that they didn't do business in the same economic level as the coach...sooo....it was a waste of time.

Find the RIGHT BNI Club-The MOST Successful Networking

However, by finding the RIGHT BNI club it can be one of the most successful marketing tactics you can do. I encourage you to take that way beyond what you find in that club however. When you finally find the RIGHT club, your job is to become the best leader in the club, to show that club how to grow even bigger, to show that club how to bring in bigger and bigger, and better and better companies. Join the leadership team. A really great opportunity is to become the educational director where you can show them ways to network better and to grow the club. Become a SUPER Coach by showing that club how to become a SUPER BNI club....guess what? People will beg to spend time with you, and you will be a star in the club. After all, anyone who can make this much difference in the club should be making that much difference with the clients....RIGHT?

Networking isn't just about networking and meeting a few others. It is about networking with the most powerful people you can meet, and then make the most significant impact on the club, their lives, and their business....and you will be seen as a SUPER Star coach.

Challenge everyone you meet to reach further than they've been reaching. Challenge the networking group to reach further and become greater, and lead them to that new vision...You will become a SUPER Star coach!!

================================================

Do you want to learn more about how to increase your coaching businesses?

I have just completed my brand new guide to coaching marketing success. You'll also get a free invitation to join a mastermind group of other coaches as they build their business. Hear what works and doesn't work.

Get your "How to Build a Super Star Coaching Business" for free

Alan Boyer coach's coaches, who want more business than they can handle, or at least more than they imagined...before this.....The reports have been "5-10 times more clients in just a few weeks, and still growing.

http://www.leaders-perspective.com/Super-Star-Coaching-Business.htm

Oprah Winfrey

What is the Absolute Secret

I would venture to say that everyone on the planet would like to have a better 2008. As the clock ticked down to the New Year, you might have made a resolution to improve life through more money, better relationships, a new car, a successful business, or anything else that you might find important or personally rewarding.

Recently, I heard Dr Joe (Mr. Fire) Vitale say, everyone likes to make new years resolutions. That might be to lose weight, stop smoking, go to the gym. Then on the 2nd or 3rd January they forgetB68 where the gym is located.

The plans are big, but the execution of those ideas often falls short. So, if you want to have a successful and abundant life in every way imaginable, you need to take action. This is the missing ingredient from the hit movie "The Secret". Don't, for one minute, think that if you site and visualize or daydream all day that your wildest dreams will just fall out of the sky. Whilst visualization and desire are necessary, the real key is to take inspired action to achieve the results that you want.

Once you find out the absolute secret, you will not want to keep it to yourself. You will want to share it with your friends and family. You will want everyone you care about to be as happy and content as you.

You will be amazed to find out that the secret to happiness and wealth in all areas of your life is nothing you can purchase or borrow from someone else. The key to unlocking a fabulous future actually comes from within you. Once you know the six steps to manifesting a better tomorrow, you will find each day something to happily anticipate.

For example, if you wake up happily anticipating a great new day, what generally occurs? You have a wonderful day. Why? The answer is actually pretty simple. If you look for the good in every day, you usually find happiness. Think about the person you know that always seems to have a smile and be totally content with life. Happiness and satisfaction comes from within, and then the good things in life just seem to happen.

However, the opposite is also true. Do you know an individual who never seems to be happy, no matter what? Even when good things are possible, does he/she always whine and complain about everything else that is not so great, or could be better? Would he/she ever be happy? Probably not. The constantly negative attitude will also prevent the eyes from seeing the good in life, or the opportunities presented to make life better.

Although there are six steps to the absolute secret of success, one concept is undeniable. If you do not have an attitude of gratitude for the blessing already present in your life, you will not fully be able to utilize the key to manifesting a better future. You must truly believe a better tomorrow is possible and that you have what it takes to make it happen, because blessings often come in the form of an opportunity that you must recognize and utilize.

Remember it is within you. Learn how to anticipate life with joy, and manifest a fabulous future.

Paul Sutherland is an Accelerated Business Growth Coach. His company - Daniel Thomas International - http://www.dti.eu.com helps corporate and SMEs to grow their businesses with tried tested and proven techniques and str41Bategies, increasing their bottom line profits in 90 days or less?

Pick up a FREE copy of "The 7 Big Mistakes" report when you visit the site. You can also get your FREE copy of a new short e-book "How To Accelerate Your Business and Personal Growth" from http://www.dti.eu.com/bandpgrowth.htm

Joan Borysenko

Fear of Death

Fear of death is the most basic fear of life.

Fear of life is another!

We fear life because it reminds us of our death, and keeps doing so every single moment with each and every breath that we take in, in order to survive a few seconds more.

Breathing unconsciously reminds us of our death that we could have embraced, had we not taken our first breath the moment we came out of our mother's womb.

More so with inhalation than with exhalation!

Breathing is life.

But breathing is an unconscious effort as well.

This means life is an effort, although in an unconscious way.

Inside the womb, we never had to make any effort whether to breathe or to eat.

Life was all peace.

As soon as we come out, death threatens us.

Fear of death becomes the fear of life.

We borrow a few moments of life from death through breathing a little oxygen in.

Oxygen turns into carbon di oxide very fast.

Fear of death again envelops us unconsciously.

We borrow a few moments of life more from death through breathing a little more oxygen in.

Our life becomes an unconscious struggle to escape death with each and every breath of it.

We live with inhalation rather than with exhalation of breath.

We want to take more oxygen in than we throw carbon di oxide out.

So, the lungs are never empty of carbon di oxide in them.

How can we take more oxygen into them then?

Our breathing turns shallow.

The more it turns shallow, the more the unconscious fear of death envelopes us perpetually as well as perennially.

The unconscious fear of death expresses itself as the conscious fear of life.

We fear life.

In fact, the shortage of oxygen with each inhalation of ours makes us fear life.

We want to take in more and give out less.

How is it possible?

But the whole world culture has turned like that!

The basic contradiction between what we want and what the scientific reality is as far as comforts of life are concerned!

The more we want the oxygen in, the less it gets inhaled.

The fear of death keeps its clutches tight on us.

Trying to inhale more than exhale keeps our unconscious fear mounted perennially onto our skull and into our body.

This fear constantly keeps pulling our skull as well as our torso down and tucking them in.

It does not let our eyes open fully too.

That is why we are always in a state that is half-asleep or half-awake.

We never come out of this slumber in our life.

We keep dreaming in the day too.

We keep thinking - chewing the cud of the past!

We never meet life afresh.

Meeting life afresh turns our unconscious fear into a conscious one.

The conscious fear of death - not the thought of the fear, but the real fear as such - turns breathing into an effortless one; if we keep facing it in its full intensity for an unspecified duration of time.

Exhalation turns more pronounced than inhalation is, in a spontaneous way.

The skull and the torso open out as well as get stretched up permanently!

The body embraces health and the mind goes empty paving way for the brain to work with full intelligence.

Now the question is: how to turn the unconscious fear of death into a conscious one - not the thought of it but the real fear as such!

By qualification, G B Singh is an electronics engineer, passionate to change the quality of life on earth.

He has decided to train people, free of charge, in the procedure of instant vision correction through opening their third eye instantaneously.

He is also working on a techno-scientific project named Virtual Reality Machine envisaging to electronically mechanize the biological procedure of dissolving all the rigidities of body musculature so that almost all the lifestyle diseases could be gotten rid of in one single hour for good, for life; for which he needs volunteer-leaders from all over the world, and already has given a call to that effect!

Contact him through http://www.LifeSip.com and/or http://www.ThirdEyeHealth.com to decide further program, together.

Bodhicitta

How Long does it Really Take?

I have a friend who actually knows how to work all the functions on his Ironman watch you know, the timer, the split-lap timer, the alarm, the countdown timer. I don't know if it's an obsession with him, or simply something he does to keep himself amused, but he times everything. He can tell you how long it takes his coffeepot to finish making coffee and how long a particular traffic light stays red.

Perhaps with his example in mind, I've recently started looking at how long certain tasks take especially the ones I don't really want to do. Not being as familiar with my (much less fancy) watch's functions, I take the cruder approach of simply writing down when I start something, and then noting when it's done.

It turns out, somewhat to my embarrassment, that I've been spending far more time debating with myself over whether to do these tasks than it actually takes to complete them once I get moving. For instance, my grumbling over the cat fur on the floor may last for days before I finally drag out the vacuum cleaner and spend eight minutes eight minutes! vacuuming the house. Mowing the lawn? Fifteen minutes apiece front and back, with another fifteen minutes each if I edge and weed-whack.

Suddenly, my productivity horizons have opened wide. Why am I pouring my valuable energy into procrastination and complaints, if it truly only takes a few minutes to do what I'm fussing about?

As a nation, we are working longer and longer hours and predictably enough accomplishing less and less. Work-life balance is suddenly important enough that multi-million-dollar corporations are hiring external consultants and trainers to conduct work-life studies and workshops, and featuring the results on the human-resources pages of their websites. Time management and personal productivity are long past being trendy; they've become so ingrained in corporate culture that they're cliches. And as a nation, we continue struggling with overwhelm, stress, and guilt guilt that we're not doing enough for our families or our careers, never mind how and if we're taking care of ourselves.

We all have a different tolerance for the level of overwhelm we can handle. I'm certainly not suggesting that overwhelm would vanish if we eliminated procrastination and grumbling (if that were even possible!). And I'm well aware that a certain amount of procrastination is simply part of the creative process.

I do wonder, though, how much productivity is being poured into avoidance rather than accomplishment. I know I'm certainly taking a closer look at how I'm spending my time, especially on those days when my to-do list seems to be multiplying alarmingly. And I challenge you to examine your day and ask yourself the simple question: What one thing can I do right now that will bring me closer to my goal?

Then do it! (And let me know how long it takes!)

"Action is at bottom a swinging and flailing of the arms to regain one's balance and keep afloat." Eric Hoffer, 1902 1983; American longshoreman, philosopher, and author.

(c)Grace L. Judson

About the Author
Grace Judson is the founder and driving force behind Svaha Concepts. She works with powerful women who appear successful on the outside, but struggle with feelings of discouragement and defeat on the inside.

For more articles like this, sign up for the free Svaha Concepts newsletter.

Grace offers a free weekly teleclass Stress Management for the Insanely Busy, open to all! View the list of upcoming topics, listen to previously-recorded classes, and sign up: Stress Management.

Secrets Of Living A Good Life

Personal Core Values

Each of us has our own set of values. These are what determine which aspects of life we regard as important or beneficial. Our values help determine our tastes, our way of life, our entertainment, our social, political and religious interactions. Each of us holds many values and these values are liable to change as we grow, reach different stages of life or have different experiences or influences in life. Some of the values we hold may be superficial, transitory or fitting solely the moment in which we find ourselves. Other values are more fixed and may stay with us through our life; these are our core values.

Our values come from a range of sources. Our parents are a key influence upon our values as we grow as children. So, too, is any church or religious background we experience. Our society, our neighbours, friends and colleagues, too, can have an influence upon our values. So, too, can our teachers and our schooling.

Often, school can be a place of conflict for it is there that we experience other values perhaps for the first time. Some of the values we experience in school can be in conflict with or contradict the values of our parents. As we go through high school, we start to experience values in ourselves and our peers that conflict both with school and our parents. Conflicting and unfixed values can be a major problem for adolescent and teenage years.

As we grow in years and experience, our values become more fixed, especially a set of 6 to 10 core values. It is these core values that determine what is really important to us as an individual. The surprising thing is that if you ask most people what their values are, many would not be able to give you an answer.

A good many people are leading lives unconnected with their core values. This can lead to a life of unhappiness, discontent and lack of fulfilment. Sometimes it can lead to conflict. Often the person does not know why their life seems unhappy, unfulfilled and sometimes full of conflict. Often, the cause is that the life they are living is not in accordance with their personal values.

For some people a conflict can arise within them because they are trying to live a life according to the values of a company, an organisation, a religious or political organisation, the values of their friends or colleagues or partner, rather than living a life according to their own core values. In doing this, the values of the other people or organisations are being met but the persons own values are being left unfulfilled.

This is not to say that a person is always wrong to seek to support and fulfil the values of other people or organisations. However, leaving your own values unfulfilled can lead to frustration and unhappiness. A key issue in this, though, is that the person may believe they are doing the right thing by working to the values of others and yet still feel a sense of frustration and unfulfilment; -the reason being that they may be unaware of their own values or, maybe, feel guilty of their own values where they conflict with the values of others. So, if you feel your life is unfulfilled, unhappy, or maybe has too much conflict, then it could be that you are leading a life that does not accord with your core values. The question is; do you know your own personal core values?

Hiring a personal life coach can certainly help you to discover your personal values but for those who want to start the discovery for themselves, try answering the following question;

What, in life, is important to you?

Dont think about your answers (yes, theres likely to be more than one thing thats important to you), at least dont think about them at first. Just write down whatever comes into your head, no matter how strange, amusing or worrying they may seem. These first answers are probably your gut or intuitive answers; sometimes these are closer to the truth than answers that you think about. Next, think about what is important in life for you. Take some time to consider your answers before writing them down in a word or short phrase. Dont worry if the some of the same answers appear in your first list; - just write them down again.

Now you have two lists. Take a look at them; is there anything there that surprises you or anything that worries you? Sometimes people can be quite surprised by what they write down and occasionally they may write down something that shocks them or they feel guilty about.

Quite common words that people put on their list of values include ; money, success, family, wife/husband/partner, growth, power. If you find one, or more, of these words on your list, ask yourself another question;

What does (the word) mean for me?

So you may ask, what does money mean for me. To which the answer could be; money means security, or money means success, or money means freedom, or money means being able to provide for my family.

By answering the second question you can help uncover the real or underlying value for you. So for you, money is not the real value, it is security or being successful or being independent or being able to provide for my family that is the real value.

So, by doing these simple exercises, you are beginning to discover your personal core values. The next exercise is to ask your self how do my life, my work and my relationships help fulfil my personal values? If you find that they do not help you fulfil your personal values then perhaps you should consider changing your life. To do that; get a life coach.

Douglas Woods is a qualified life coach who works with individuals and couples seeking to improve their life or relationships. You can read more about his work at http://www.dougwoods.com.

Thomas Edison