There are five simple ingredients to a great relationship. I think all of them need to be in place for the relationship to stand the test of time. Any one of them will trigger the desire to enter the relationship, but, unless all are there, the relationship just dwindles to maintenance.
The first ingredient of a great relationship
Falling in love, over and over again. Did you know that we "fall into love" with someone when we get out of our head? That means, we fall in love when we are not thinking. The irony is that we fall in love with someone because we expect nothing from them. Then, we spend the rest of our relationship with that person trying to get them to match our expectations. The fastest path around this is to acknowledge that you are going to have those expectations and they are important, but to fall in love, again and again and again, you need to have periods together where you just have time out. Fun stuff, where you just BE together without wanting anything. I call this STILLNESS but it's not still.
The second ingredient of a great relationship
The truth of human nature, (as opposed to the ego nature) is that it has two sides. Balance. So, we have a public and a private nature. They are always diametrically opposite. The total ass in public has a sweet side that they display somewhere else in life. So, in relationship, it is really common to find yourself focusing on the "darker side" of your partner, especially if you are into self-help, personal growth, yoga or meditation. You see, everyone has a good and a bad side. When we are in relationship we can easily focus on the bad side, because we become self-obsessed focusing on hiding our own bad side. It's like buying a yellow VW car. Before you buy one, none exist. After you buy one, it seems like every second person has one. When you become obsessed with changing yourself, or disowning your darker side, you can't see past the darker side of your partner. Their foibles. So, the solution here is to start to embrace your true nature, and as a result, be able to embrace the whole being that is your partner too.
The third ingredient of a great relationship
Evolve ya bastard. We tried to find a quote for the women folk, Evolve ya bitch just doesn't have the same ring too it and coming from a bloke like me, can be misinterpreted. So, simply put, "GET OVER IT." You are not a victim, shit happens in your life because you bred it. Take the fall, own your power, you cause your troubles. If you do this, you can fix this. See, if you don't cause your world, then how can you fix or change it? Evolve means to accept and UNJUDGE. That's deep stuff because it involves changing your beliefs. It also involves massive MIRRORING. Meaning seeing your own reflection in the actions and words of others. If you don't evolve in a relationship, you sabotage it and bring in the drama.
The Fourth ingredient of a great relationship
Dreams. 99% of self and relationship sabotage comes from lost vision. Now, I'm not here talking about maintenance. Like "bringing up the kids." When a couple get totally turned on by each other long term it's really because they see a great future together. It's exciting and filled with new adventures. When the libido drops or the emotion goes out, it's because that future has turned to boredom. Boredom in any area of life kills the human spirit. Now, you might say, "bringing up the kids is not boring," but really, its the same thing, day in day out. It's maintenance. I'm talking about things that you dream about. Holidays are a poor man's substitute for a great life. So, many people who lack the real vision of the future to inspire themselves, go on holidays. It's like putting a band-aid on a skin cancer. Do dreams, do vision quest together. Nothing is more important for long term sexy relationship than this.
The fifth ingredient of a great relationship
It's you. You have to turn up happy. You can't prey on your partner for happiness. Happiness is what you bring to your relationship. If you turn up bored or burned out from your job, you're going to suck the life force out of your partner. They have to put up self-protective barriers to that sort of ignorance. Get a life. Get a sport. Get a Hobie. And if you don't, you'll find yourself dreaming of sex with strangers, aka, TV Desperate Housewives. Stupid life. If your yoga class, your meditation class, your spiritual guru, your self help, your job does not send you home laughing, smiling, jumping for joy at the life you've got, then F...k it.
With Spirit and love
Chris "walk your talk" Walker
I really want to help people live to a different rhythm of life. I have done many practices to achieve inner peace, they were good, but fragile. Now, I have found stillness because life has become my meditation. I would love to share how. You see, once I thought my expectations were the best barometer of goodness. Anything that wasn't good, needed to change, or be fixed. Now, I know nature, natural law, creation. And I realise that with self-honesty, I can hold my inner peace, my stillness, wherever I go, not just on my cushion in the morning and night.
http://www.chriswalker.com.au and http://www.innerwealth.com - This is what I share.